Unbreakable
by proflig8
Summary: Joker has a list of three things he wants to do now that his legs are cured. To celebrate, Shepard issues a shore leave. FemShepxJoker, extreme fluff, spoilers for ME2.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, how about we visit Liara?"

Shepard grimaced at the idea and shook her head slowly. "Negative on that one, hon. Pretty sure she's caught up in her own business." Her added words were spoken with a mutter: "Just like last time …"

Joker easily stepped up the stairs leading to the office-area of Shepard's cabin. "Shadow Broker, Shadow Broker!" he mimicked, fingers spread dramatically. "Shepard, even though I'm obviously-and-creepily in love with you, I cannot go back with you on your mission! It's not about friendship or trust …"

"For all I know, _you're _the Shadow Broker. I mean, you're pretty buffed out for a previously-crippled kid. I'm sure the Collector attack and my death was all 'part of the plan.' Hell, your nickname rhymes with broker."

His face was etched with a feigned surprise. "You got me."

The woman, facing her terminal for a last-minute message check, placed a hand over one side of her face, added after a long moment, "I wouldn't really say she's in love with me."

"Oh, come on. After one conversation she's pining for you, claiming that you guys have a deep connection," Joker started, leaning back against her desk with both arms, "and then _after_ you say that there's no romantic interest, she approaches me in secret and says that we need to talk—all _three_ of us."

"So?"

"So … after that, you chose the more dashing and handsome choice, die because of him—" She attempted to contradict him, but he quickly continued, "—and she finds your body to turn into Cerberus so you can be rebuilt, she practically _gropes _you when you meet again. L-o-v-e."

She shook her head. "Why do you know all of this, again?"

"Because you _tell me_. Do you not remember that you relay all of this information to me unintentionally? Once you start, you never stop." She faced him with both hands on her hips, one eyebrow raised. "You started with talking about Garrus' recruitment mission on Omega, then describe every detail _about _Omega, lead the conversation towards the asari strippers in Afterlife, remember Aria, speak about her 'pretty tattoos', and then it normally ends in some sort of compliment that I give you in regards to _your_ looks. And then there's sex."

Her reaction was serious at first—as serious as she could make it, anyway (Joker was impervious)—but then she laughed freely. "I guess I never realized that." The light eyes widened slightly. "Wow, I can't believe you remember all of that. I thought most guys zone out when females talk …"

"I'm not like most guys," he said simply, waving it off as mock modesty. He took hold of her wrist and pulled her close, other hand resting on her hip. "Speaking of! We haven't …"

"Save it for later," she ordered, pushing his shoulders back. Taunt disguised as a smile, she faced her desk again to shut her private terminal.

He smacked her behind lightly on his way towards the door and merely smiled at her indignant gasp.

"I'll carry our shit up to the CIC; gotta make a few last minute adjustments to the _Normandy_ before shore leave. Most of the crew's already gone, I think."

Shepard crossed her arms. "Uh-huh."

The woman went to change her clothes while the pilot left the room and through the elevator. She kept on a thin bulletproof vest for precautions and slipped on a black tank top and heavy overcoat. There had been a skirt that she had planned on wearing, but when she tried it on, it felt much too short. _Doesn't matter. It's a leave, I should wear what I couldn't on the SR-2. _

She slipped it on and put some leggings on underneath, just in case, and put on her combat boots. With a heavy pistol attached to her hip, she looked like a cross between a fashionista and military-trained woman. The rugged, mechanic-like outfit had some sort of an attractive quality to it.

Her bag and Joker's murse were to be upstairs in case they needed to run on the _Normandy _while they were out (they didn't want to carry them around, because they'd be in the way and easily lost). The pilot had so-easily carried them because of his recent development: cured bones.

It had taken numerous upgrades of Cerberus-oriented research, help on Chakwas' part, and lots of money, but they had finally done it.

The guy practically cried at being able to walk without those damned braces, crutches, or _anything_.

He was just like everybody else now.

"_Aside from the fact that I'm the-"_

"_Best damned pilot in the galaxy. I know, honey."_

She smiled fondly at the words that were exchanged yesterday; the first thing he did was lift up the commander while she was having a quite serious conversation with Chakwas, catching her completely off-guard. She did _not_ like to be woman-handled, and struggled for the first few minutes, but realized that Joker was getting genuine joy out of being able to carry her places.

The second order of business was to issue a shore leave; the crew agreed, Joker agreed, and Shepard agreed. Hell, the Illusive Man even supported the idea.

"_Shepard. Don't stray away from the main mission, but I do recommend time off for your crew. You all had a big week."_

_Though she didn't _have _to answer to the him anymore, she gave him a small smile and a "thanks."_

Making sure she had her earpiece in and ready in case of emergencies, she blacked out the room and headed down to the CIC to meet up with Joker.

The pilot had been right; there were very few lifeforms on deck. She scanned the ensigns' posts: empty; stations around the galaxy map: zip; weaponry and tech support; a few soft voices, probably two to three people. She felt as if she had to tip toe to the cockpit, where her pilot sat focused intently on the module in front of him. Absentmindedly, she rubbed his lower neck and back.

"As great as that feels, you should stop," he admitted, face warm.

"M-hm, of course." Her hands still rested very lightly on his shoulders, though, and she gave him air while he finished up whatever he was doing. Probably lock down simulations and theft block, just in case Illium thugs decided to stir things up and mess with the wrong ship.

He glanced back every once in a while. "I don't think I've ever seen you in such a short skirt. But I like your engie outfit. It fits you incredibly well. I don't mean that in the shows-off-your-curves way, either. I mean personality-wise."

She tugged downwards at the hem as a natural reflex. "Thanks, I guess. I'm an engineer, it's natural that I look the part. It was trouble finding outfits that weren't stained with grease or burns."

Hesitant yet audible steps were coming up from behind them; she turned to greet the man, a member of the core Cerberus crew, and he worked around the galaxy map.

"Jr. Navigator Robertson," the commander said curtly. "What can I do for you?"

"The shore leave, ma'am," he started, voice smooth. "Is it required to get off of the ship?"

Shepard took time before answering. "Well, there's a reason that 'leave' is placed after shore. What's on your mind, Robertson? Are you not satisfied with the break I've offered you?"

She had to hand it to him, he had a good composure. Most men started feeling intimidated around this point. "No, ma'am, of course not. It's quite generous of you."

Scrutinizing him for a few silent moments, she finally brought up her hand to her earpiece and flipped it on. "Kelly Chambers, report," she sent out, waiting for her yeoman to secure a private channel.

"Yes, Commander? Is there something I can do for you?"

"What's your location?"

"Just outside of the docking bay, actually. A lovely welcome-asari and I are having a nice chat about Illium's golden points." The commander briefly remembered the alien that approached them when they first landed, claiming that Liara gave them a practically free pass.

_Thank you, Liara._

Shepard nodded. "Right. Robertson here could use an escort; maybe put a use to that information you just got from the asari. He's never been on Illium before." The kid looked embarrassed, the first breaking point in his demeanor.

"Oh! Well, I could certainly help with that! I'll be there shortly."

The comm closed, and Shepard sent him a cocky smirk. "Ms. Chambers is a nice woman. Get to know her, and she'll see to it that you don't miss out on a good day." Her hand clamped down on his shoulder. "Lovely weather, ain't it? Gather your things if need be."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am."

As he left the vicinity, Joker let out his held in laugh. "I love when you scare the red shirts."

* * *

"Feels good to breathe in non-gunfire infested air, huh? I mean, instead we've got fresh air, the soft smell of something cooking, and some crisp kind of cleaning stuff." Right above them, there were a few men cleaning the windows of a corporate building. "That explains it."

"You're hungry, are you?"

"I didn't say anything about that," he said, generally curious. "You're right, though. I could have eaten breakfast earlier, you don't know."

She was inspecting a terminal with weapon upgrades and murmured, "Because you always list the thing you _really _like or want in the middle." She felt herself being pulled away before she could buy anything and frowned heavily. "There was a snipe upgrade."

"You're deadly enough with a regular sniper rifle. And you're an _engineer_. If that's not the most deadly combination, I don't know what is. Imagine if you got L5 implants or something."

"I don't need every ability, that's _kind of_ why I have a _team._"

"Just think, though: Tales of Commander Shepard, the multi-powered super woman and her witty side-kick, Jeff Moreau." He stretched out an arm and waved his hand slowly, imagining the hilarity. He added, "Besides, let's focus on something _other_ than firepower and fighting."

Shrugging, she said, "Fair enough."

They passed near the steps of Liara's office. "Sure you don't want to go say hi? We're in the neighborhood."

She pursed her lips and contemplated; eventually, she sighed. "I do miss her."

"Good. But first …" He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together. "Just to give off the right signals, you know?" With a nudge and a grin, he pushed her a little to the side so he could get that cute smile.

"She knows we're together. We were the ship's gossip bait back on the SR-1, remember?"

He grimaced. "Do I ever."

"Right. So don't worry, alright? Do you need me to give you some whispered reassurances about how much I love you?"

Joker held out his free hand. "Nah, you're not a sappy shit kind of woman. At least, not all the time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You may or may not have a sleep-talking problem."

Her eyes widened hilariously, and she changed their pace to rapid as they advanced up the stairs. "I do not. I … I hope I don't." She groaned. "What do I say? Nothing terribly embarrassing, I hope."

By the look in his eyes—that painfully sharp glint—she knew that he wouldn't tell him.

"It wouldn't be any fun if you knew, right?"

The hydraulics interrupted their conversation as Liara let them in, probably monitoring them with hidden cameras. The poor asari had been awfully paranoid lately, or from the looks of the last time Shepard spoke with her.

"Shepard!" Liara's eyes then moved to the pilot. "Oh, Joker! It's lovely to see the both of you here, and … are you not limping, Joker?"

His grin was beaming wide. "Not anymore."

"That's wonderful! Please, sit. Perfect timing; I've been having a dry spot with clients today. Tell me, are you here on important business, or …?"

"Just a shore leave, actually," Shepard answered.

"It is well-deserved, from all the things I have heard about your last big mission. I wish I had been there, Shepard." Honestly, she looked really disappointed and rather hurt. "It is just … I still haven't gotten my friend back. It is … very complicated."

Shepard shook her head and held up the hand that wasn't occupied by the pilot. "Really, you don't have to worry. We were able to survive, right? They called it suicide. I really hope you find your friend, I really do. I can't imagine what it would be like to know that someone close to you is just … _gone_, and you aren't able to do anything about it."

"No knowledge of his whereabouts," she sighed out.

The commander shared a moment of sympathetic silence, glad that she had never been through such an experience.

"But anyway," she said quickly, spirits lifting once more, "are you planning on anything special today?"

They simultaneously shrugged. "Just wandering around Illium until we do. Got any suggestions?"

"Do I? Why, yes!" She opened a desk drawer and flipped through a few pads, settling on one to hand to the duo. "There are all sorts of events going on this week. Aside from that, I have a feeling that you have not seen all of Illium yet. I am sure you will have a great time."

Shepard was about to give back the pad when Liara raised a hand.

"No, no, you can keep that. It is quite useful; there are restaurant locations, popular tourist spots, and …" The asari rambled on, that brightness in her aura that seemed to have left last time was returning. Of course, it wouldn't fully be back until she found her friend, but time would heal her.

* * *

"Well, that was actually a lot more pleasant than I thought it would be."

Shepard glanced up at him. "You're right. I'm glad. I missed the old Liara."

"I … _didn't_, but her cold exterior you told me about last time sounded worse than back on the SR-1."

"Definitely." She saw Joker's content smile at being able to walk freely down stairs without so much as a hobble. "Enjoying your new legs, hon?"

He tilted up his hat. "I still have the urge to throw you up on my shoulders or something."

"Even if I _would_ allow that, it wouldn't be while I'm wearing a skirt."

"I'd say it'd be more like '_especially_' while you're wearing a skirt."

She pushed him without the care that she had taken when he was more fragile, laughed at his amused look, and said, "Alright, you bastard, let's find somewhere to eat, first. We'll look closer at the pad when we're there."


	2. Chapter 2

"You know it doesn't matter what we do, Joker."

"Do I really have to decide?"

Commander Shepard and Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau were going through the same issue that faces almost every couple every day: making a choice. They're mostly indecisive, wishing to do whatever the other one wants, although they secretly _do _have their option in mind. Perhaps they get inwardly upset, but it doesn't matter. In the mean time, they just argue back and forth.

Things were no different for this duo.

"You wanted this shore leave the most." Shepard had her hands under her chin, resting on them while she rested. They were at a nice restaurant on Illium, a perfect place for casually getting something to eat, but nothing like fast food. A smaller sized booth sat the both of them, and they had no trouble peering at each other in anticipation.

"Hell, yeah I did. But there are only three things I really want to do." He took off his hat now that they were seated, his intention to look relatively decent. His hat hair kind of obstructed that objective, however.

Shepard reached over and ran a hand through the brown strands of his messy hair, a light smile tugging at her lips. "What were you saying, now?" She blinked a few times and focused on him. "Three things? What are they?"

"Well, first? Sex. I thought you already knew that one." He winked at her, and she bobbed her head to the side expectantly. "There are positions I'll be able to do that I've never been able to do before!"

"_Mon Dieu_, you're so loud."

He smirked. "Second, I want to get in some sort of firefight. Some kinda action. With you, I mean. You and me, kicking ass. … Honestly, I'd love it if I'd be able to rescue you. _But _I wouldn't want that to happen anyway. It'd just be nice to help you for once." His hands met hers in the center of the table, green eyes glinting with mirth.

"When did you become such a sap? I could have sworn that you blew me off almost every time I came to visit you, back in the day." Her face soured.

"Did I?"

"I offered you _comfort_, once, and you said that EDI had it covered. That _EDI had it covered_. I just about gave up right then and there. 'Platonic symbiosis' my ass." Ripping her hands away, she held herself and glared at the man across from her. "'So, Commander, come here too often?' 'There's a reason I don't date crew'. If I said you were giving off mixed signals, I'd be lying. You gave off enough negative signals. … You're lucky I'm too damn determined to quit."

He picked up a menu absentmindedly and flipped it open. "Really? I'm lucky? Because I'm pretty sure I signed my death warrant when I kissed you."

"Other way around, dear."

* * *

"**ETA two hours until we reach the Omega 4 Relay," Joker's voice rang out through the ship.**

Commander Shepard, in charge of the SR-2 _Normandy_, sat crying her eyes out on top of her desk, boots planted on her chair. Her crew was gone, they were advancing into a relay that would take them somewhere nobody has returned from, and her pilot never failed to break her heart a bit more each day. Miserable at best, she finally let some tears slip through before escaping downstairs.

She wiped her eyes and brushed her hair beforehand, not exactly too keen on having the core crew pester her about feelings. Even though Joker was probably distracted with that damned AI, he provided the best distraction. She went to him.

"Commander?"

"I assume everything is going well up here?"

"EDI and I were just discussing how we're going to make it through the relay, but somehow got off-topic to amusement parks. She looked up one that I used to go to all the time. 'Course, I couldn't go on all the rides for obvious reasons, but it still had …"

He rambled on about the park and EDI chimed in as well. The words completely eluded the commander, and she stood there with a forced, small smile. She felt as if it were real enough.

"Sorry, Commander, didn't mean to rant like that. What have you been up to?"

She resisted the urge to shake her daze away and answered, "Oh, I don't mind. It's nice to hear your voice." That sounded … bad. Not how she wanted it to come out—much too 'touchy-feely', like Joker had said once before. That's what she liked to avoid. Expecting 'that look,' the one that made her feel like the rank of a maggot, she put a hand behind her head and corrected, "Hear your stories, I mean. You telling them. Like always."

Suddenly, she hated herself. A lot.

"You know, maybe I should go. Get something to eat in the mess before the, uh, mission. Nice talking to you."

Joker's eyebrow shot up when he watched her trail away quickly, foots padding lightly against the flooring. His eyes scanned the contour lines of her body, sincerely amused that his commander was somehow flustered like that. He wondered if she knew how she blinked a bit more, or cracked her knuckles whenever she got nervous.

A smile gracing his features, he got up from his seat and didn't bother granting EDI a farewell. His best friend was a good distance in front of him, but when he held his hand in front of the elevator to stop it from closing, he was right next to her once more.

Shepard looked at him with unreadable caution, slightly wary of his intentions. With his slight hunch, he was just a bit taller than herself, which she had noticed before, as they hung out often. It didn't make it any less daunting, though.

"You don't mind if I join you, do you?"

Her muscles relaxed slightly. "Of course not."

The silence was too thick.

She let out a quick growl. "Dammit, Joker," she muttered, turning towards him swiftly. She faced him with arms firm at her sides, fists clenched. "I don't want to be the pessimistic commander, but I'm not exactly the most confident about this mission. I don't … I'm not sure we're coming back."

"We all know that this could go either way. Don't worry about how everyone feels about that. Remember that we're still here. One-hundred percent."

_Mon Dieu, I've fallen too hard for this guy. Still hating myself_.

"I'll miss you … you guys," she corrected casually enough.

He placed his arm around her shoulders. "We aren't dead yet, are we?"

Leaning into his touch instinctively, she found her head on his chest. "You're right."

Joker found it slightly odd that Commander Shepard was letting him see her vulnerable side … if one could call it that. It's not like she was _crying_ or something similarly terrifying. He didn't know what he'd do if she ever let loose the waterworks.

But hey, he wasn't going to be the one to deny it. The fact that she fit quite nicely under her arm was comforting for the both of them, as he could feel her relax almost completely.

Deck three was not exactly far away, so the doors opened soon enough.

Joker couldn't care less.

"I'm not really hungry," she admitted.

"Yeah, neither am I. I was just interested."

She snorted, halfheartedly hitting his chest as she sauntered out of the elevator. Her aura of confidence was somewhat back, but Joker could see through the partial act. "Bastard. In what?"

"You, obviously."

"Ob-obviously?" she sputtered. "_Obviously_? That word's enough for me to go jump out of the nearest airlock. You're far from blatant, Joker." Her seething words were dismissed by the pilot, whom did not seem fazed. He leaned against the elevator.

He cocked his head. "Okay, maybe not that obvious. Come here."

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

Instead of making a crack about how he wasn't the enemy, or a secret assassin, or something equally sarcastic, the genuine glint in his eyes steered Shepard over. "It's alright," he nearly _cooed_, as if Shepard were a little sheep, ironic as it sounded. "Permission to be cliché, ma'am?"

"… Aye, aye."

"You're the only woman that I've ever put effort into keeping in the friend zone."

Hot damn, she was expecting something a little less … heartbreaking?

"Ah!" she forced out—a light, almost breathy-sounding word. Her eyebrows pulled back, and she stepped back one time. A thousand questions ran through her mind, but she settled with: "What?"

"Sure, I've liked other girls. Who hasn't ever felt something for someone? Thing is, I didn't care enough about them to worry about … well, losing them. You're my best friend, Shepard. I don't want to ruin that. So that's why I'm going to decline your feelings."

So he knew. He knew, and he _reciprocated them_. Yet, he still rejected the idea.

She pursed her lips, glared up at him with the most piercing eyes he'd ever seen her wear, and punched him as hard as she could in the gut. Because she was Commander Shepard, this wasn't a light hit. No bones, just stomach.

He keeled over slightly and murmured, "Guess I deserved that."

"Aargh! _Tu es completement debile! Fou._"

"Don't speak french, but I know you're insulting me," he said through grit teeth, eventually straightening out again. "Look, Shepard-" he started, ready to get stern on her; he was even a little upset that she punched him.

Her eyes were watering, though, and he had to face the one thing he hoped he never would.

She wiped them away before he had a chance to comment, and they were gone more quickly than they had arrived.

"_Tu me peles le jonc._" She sighed. "Never mind about eating. Sorry about hitting you."

Her miserable tone dampened Joker's spirits. Yeah, he liked her (hell, it was hard to not fall in love), but he didn't want to risk attachment or something that could jeopardize the mission. If things ended up … well, badly between them _emotionally_, that could also effect everything.

Although, now he had a feeling that Shepard was a bit emotionally compromised. Going into something like this shouldn't be done with things weighing heavily on the mind.

Sulking away, the commander felt better about going into the suicide mission, however. Wasted chances were now nonexistent to her.

For some reason, she somehow expected Joker to be up in her cabin right after she entered it. He followed her up there, worried and second-guessing.

"I'm sorry."

"It was like giving somebody a briefcase of money but covering it with an indestructible lock."

"I know!"

"Like telling a woman that she had a daughter but isn't able to see it."

He removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair. Shepard stared at him expectantly, arms crossed tightly under her chest. "My logic was kind of skewed, I get it! I never really figured that anybody would understand, anyway. Just a fear of losing someone, I guess …"

Scowl dissipating, she said, "It's understandable. I just … Dammit, I like you, and yeah, I'll move on eventually if you stick with your hormonally induced courtship behavior with that … that damned AI."

Despite their attempts at this conversation being serious, Joker laughed. Loudly.

"You're not jealous of an _AI_, are you?"

"_Non_."

"You are!"

She shook her head. "Whatever, Joker. That's not even the point."

He frowned; she had darkened the light mood once more. "Damn, Shepard. I'm sorry, alright?" Her hands were caught by his own, and he tried his best to not handle them like an awkward teenager.

Shaking her head, she muttered, "Fuck it."

Joker would be lying if he said that he wasn't expecting (or enjoying) her lips on his own. They weren't forced or hard; instead, she took extra care in the passionate brush of skin. "Mm … Shepard," he breathed, still barely connected.

"Try for me," she whispered.

"Damn right I will," he said before wrapping his arms around her. Hands on her back, he pushed her as close as possible so their lips could continue the tension-releasing dance. Her bottom hit the edge of her desk as they moved, so he lifted her up on top of it.

They broke apart and stared at each other momentarily.

Just in time, too. "ETA twenty minutes, Commander. I suggest assembling all necessary equipment."

EDI's voice only sounded more annoying when she was fawn-talking with Joker. Of course, that was just Shepard's bias, and anything she heard came out as sultry, admiring, or overly-friendly. The pilot didn't see it that way, giving EDI a mom-complex.

That didn't stop Shepard from cursing the AI until relay time.

* * *

"Let's not talk about the week after that. I like to ram my head against the wall if I even think of it."

Joker shook his head but understood completely. As to be expected, they had to talk about their relationship. The pilot had pretty much abandoned the idea of keeping it platonic after realizing he was hooked too deep. Their relationship pre-confession was close enough; he knew he wanted her.

"How about all the great weeks after _that_? Or, almost a year and a half now of weeks. Something like that."

"Ah, goodness, we aren't supposed to be reminiscing. How in hell did we get off track? Don't answer that. What's the third thing that you wanted to do, again?"

He leaned back and smiled. "Not telling."

"What? Why?"

"It's a secret."

She rolled her eyes and dismissed it easily enough. It was probably something extremely dangerous or life-threatening. She grabbed the pad from Liara and started scanning over it. "You know, just because you have good legs doesn't mean you're immune to everything. Still got weaknesses, honey."

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

A gasp elicited from the woman. "Ah! It's the fourth of July today!" She pushed his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"When was the last time to paid any attention to holidays like that, anyway? We're not on Earth … one of the few places they celebrate independence day. You know, because that's only in America … which isn't here."

"Illium takes any opportunity to use fireworks. At least, that's what it says here." She looked amused. "We should just shop around and act like tourists until later … and then we can watch the fireworks. It'll be romantic. You like romantic stuff, don't you?"

"Uh-huh," he said flatly. "As I said before, as long as I get to do my list of three, I'll be happy."

* * *

"_Are you sure you don't want us to help, Miss Dantius?"_

"I _told _you, I've got this one. She's not exactly on guard. With her boyfriend, too, as far I can see. Even better; I hear he's crippled or something." The asari easily fit in with the rest of the folks at the restaurant. Her eyes were glued to the couple, smooth legs crossed at the ankles. Her posture was slightly slouched, but she still held the look of ferocity and elegance.

"_Both of your sisters have been slaughtered by Shepard, though. Er, technically it was one of her squad mates for Nassana, but … Dahlia didn't stand a chance. What makes you think that you wont be next, ma'am?"_

"Are you doubting me?

"_N-no, ma'am. Just worried; that's all."_

"No need to be. Sure, we may have had trust issues in our family …" She stood up and quickly went over her plan before initiating it. "… but we never lacked in the avenge section. It's time for payback."

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_Tu es completement debile!: _You're a complete moron!_  
Tu me peles le jonc: _You get on my nerves._  
Fou: _Fool.  
_Mon Dieu_: My God.


	3. Chapter 3

"Fireworks it is, then!" Shepard decided, clapping her hands together. When she noticed a pretty asari stand up, proportionally outstanding, her eyes were directed that way. She fell silent and met gazes with the alien momentarily.

Joker noticed that his girlfriend was, in fact, staring at an asari. "Something wrong?"

She waved him off. "Everything's shiny. Hey!" she called, just as the tall and slender asari began to stalk away. Her shoulders hunched up slightly but she did as told. "I like your dress. Did you get it here on Illium?" Hands back underneath her chin, she put on a pretty smile and bat her eyelashes innocently.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "It's a store closer to the fireworks display. Will you be going down there?" Joker watched with confusion; did they know each other, maybe? A friend of Liara's?

"Indeed. Maybe I'll see you there."

"I'm sure you will."

When the asari left, Shepard turned around to face her partner. "Mind telling me what that was about?"

She sat there, musing, for just a few seconds. "It could go either way. We'll have to find out, wont we? It's best to use a bit more precaution, however." She snapped out of her ramble and said, strongly, "Joker. That asari plans to assassinate me. I couldn't tell if you were wrapped up in the bargain, but if you 'get in the way,' you'll be hit too."

His mouth fell open slightly and his eyes narrowed. "How do you know this, anyhow? She _sounded _pleasant enough."

"Unfortunately, she wasn't very quiet while on her comm device with one of her cronies. Well, she was loud enough for me. I overheard my name and a harsh whisper … it's not very hard to read body language, either."

"Really? You sounded _so _attentive when we were talking, though. Hard to believe you were listening to both of us."

She shrugged and returned the smile. "I have two ears, might as well use one for you and one for everyone else. Besides, that little quip of conversation was entirely in code. That part was easy." Joker waited for an explanation. "I complimented her plan and asked if it would take place here, on Illium. She said yes, confirming my suspicion."

The salarian waiter came by and dropped off their plates and refilled their drinks. Shepard waited for him to finish before continuing.

"When we go to the fireworks tonight, there will probably be an ambush. Or maybe she'll catch me off guard. She wont, though."

Astounded, the male shook his head and pressed a palm to his face halfheartedly. "_Maybe_ she really thinks that you like her dress, and you're just paranoid because you only have your heavy pistol and no armor on."

"Hey, I have my combat drone, incinerate, barrier, and can blast through an army of Blue Suns with my heavy pistol. Trust me on this one. We'll stop by a weapon podium and get you something, too. Maybe I can get that sniper rifle I was looking at earlier." Her lips were curved into a smirk. "Hey … at least you'll get your firefight now."

* * *

Clicks and clacks of weapon adjusting ran throughout the air. Shepard's disconcerting look of pleasure was just that … but it wasn't something that Joker found uncommon. He was unfazed.

The sales attendant, however, wasn't quite as assured.

"Ma'am, have you ever handled a weapon before?"

Alright, even Joker couldn't help but join Shepard in her howling laughter. "You're kidding, right? Aha ha ha, dear, my name's Commander Shepard. Might have heard of me." Indeed, the turian's eyes widened in recognition. "Hand over that beautiful snipe, would you?"

Instead of fawning over her title and such, he just relaxed at the fact that she wasn't a bloodthirsty civilian. "Made with the finest materials. A high bundle of creds, unfortunately. We're actually ordered to not lower the price. Aren't you an engineer, ma'am? I don't see a lot of engies handling snipes."

"Got the training for it, love it. Send out my drone, let the enemy get distracted … you know the rest." She handled the weapon with an almost affectionate care, felt its weight, gazed at it for about two seconds and pulled out her wallet. "Alright, I'll do it."

Joker put a hand on her shoulder. "Wouldn't it be better if you got a SMG or something? If that … well, that asari's plan will be initiated, I don't know when you'd use a sniper rifle."

"It's pretty. That's why _you got _a SMG or assault rifle—don't matter much to me. I think I'll call her …"

"Vera?"

"Nope. Calling her Raydis." She placed her credits on the counter and whipped out her heavy pistol, placing it against the turian's lower neck. Leaning forward, she whispered, "Nice try, asari," and pulled the trigger.

The pilot winced at the gunshot and grabbed Shepard's arm. "What the hell did you do?"

Yanking herself out of his grip, she held up the sniper rifle, and whacked the side of it with her fist; the both of them watched as a jammed clip fell out of it. "These things come preloaded, but they're always done properly. He didn't know I saw that it was jammed. This could have given the asari the critical opening to kill me."

"Or _maybe _it was an accident." He wasn't too upset about her renegade shoot-first-because-I'm-a-freaking-Spectre ideals, but he never failed to think the positive.

"They're hand-loaded by professionals. Also known as _not him_. There's a long process of this, _mon cheri__._ They don't mess up. It was done on purpose, he probably works for that asari. The guy that normally works here is a jackass, too. Much too nice." She left the credits on the counter and took the sniper rifle anyway. Joker rolled his eyes at the gesture.

"Alright, alright." He kept the sub machine gun at his side, and followed Shepard's example to pay for it. "Should we get down there early? By the water for the fireworks, I mean. I'd actually like to _watch _them."

She tapped her lip as they exited the store. "I'd imagine that she would attack when they go off. Sorry. Gunshots blend in with fireworks."

"Let's go down anyway."

* * *

"_Nice try, asari."_

She let out a hissing noise when she heard the voice over her comm. "That _bitch_. How did she figure that out? Poor turian's gone, too. He would have been useful later on." Her human accomplice was next to her as they walked, hand in hand, like a normal couple.

The human was female, having mid-length brown hair dancing around her shoulders, darker brown eyes, and sun kissed skin.

"Shepard seems like a smart woman. You sure that turning back now sounds so bad?" she asked.

"Shut up," she snapped. "You talk too much. If I knew more about your background I'd exploit it. However, that's not possible. You're lucky that you're pretty. You're here for backup combat and blending in, alright? Talking isn't required."

The brown-haired woman sighed lightly. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

Shepard and Joker walked contentedly along the pathway around the huge expanse of lake. It was in the downtown area of Illium, and they were less than a mile away from the fenced off launch area.

The commander had no trouble with simply gazing up at her handsome pilot, quite taller than her now that he stood up straight with no issues. She had her arm laced around his, hands connected and bodies close.

"I could be shot in the back right now and die happily," she said to him, grinning.

"Wow, that's gotta be the most romantic thing I've heard come out of your mouth."

"You know me, I've got a way with words."

He chuckled. "But, just so you know, that asari is watching us."

Shepard resisted the urge to whip around. "What? How do you know that?"

"I fly the ship; the entire crew is behind me. I can tell when I'm being watched or somebody is approaching me. Don't think she's doing anything, though. Not yet." He started to limp on purpose. "Just getting our location and such."

"Look at you, getting all sexy-and-serious. Why are y'limpin'?"

He shrugged. "Just in case. Trust me on this one."

Humoring him, she nodded. "Gotcha."

Honestly, it was a tad unnerving, wondering when and where she would strike. Shepard could handle herself, and she could handle her pilot, but she wasn't a fan of surprise attacks. Eating ice cream was pressuring enough. _What if I get distracted by the deliciously tangy flavor of this sherbet?_ Hell, it took the whole cone for her to simmer down when a certain thought entered her mind.

"Joker?" she murmured, locating his eyes with her own.

"Hm? What's wrong?" he asked quickly, putting an arm around her neck. "Is she …?"

Shepard shook her head. "What if she's just going for you? I swear I'll skewer that bitch after tearing her to small shreds and roast her over the _Normandy_'s fuel exhaust fire … thing."

"The thrusters, sweetie," he corrected softly, her threats completely evading his attention.

She made a face. "Whatever. Fact is, I don't want you getting hurt. We need to hunt this bitch out first and get to _her _before she does to _us_."

"You sure that's not what she wants us to do? Maybe she's done a huge background check on you. You're known to be a … a bit _impatient_ sometimes. I think she'd exploit that if she had the chance. Don't let paranoia get to you. I'll be okay."

He was rubbing her shoulders, now, quite soothingly. His shining eyes were enough comfort to her to nod and accept that. "Alright. We still have to be careful." She peered up at the sky; it was a mixture of floating shades of oranges and purples. "Fireworks start when it gets dark out. Want to go find a place? Preferably as far away from civilians as possible. Don't need them getting wrapped up in this. I don't want them hurt."

With a finishing pat to each shoulder, he placed a kiss on her forehead. "Sounds good." They retreated from the ice cream stand, and he asked, "So, does that sniper rifle still work?"

"Of course! Just 'cause there was a jammed clip doesn't mean it's dysfunctional. You know I'm educated in that kinda stuff, so you don't have to worry about my words backfiring."

There were large rocks scattered along the lake, most of which covered by thousands of people that were anxiously awaiting the display. Joker and Shepard took the farthest one, as the woman instructed, and sat themselves down against a tree. They kept their eyes peeled for any sort of suspicious movement in the trees, buildings, or crowd.

"Shepard."

"_Oui, mon cheri?_" she asked, grabbing his hand and lolling her head to the side.

"I can hear someone not too far away," he whispered. "Too bad I don't know french, huh? Would've been easier to communicate without them hearing."

She stayed still. "Let me-"

"Don't panic, but they're on my side. I think you were right about them going after me." Joker felt the commander's grip tighten around his hand with pure fury. "Shh … we'll get ourselves a distraction if they take me. But first … let's be civilized."

"_Que? _Civilized?" she sputtered.

He shrugged. "It might not even be them."

"Ah! I thought I'd find you two here!" The couple jumped at once, although as soon as they recognized the voice of their asari friend, they relaxed immediately. _Never thought I'd be happy to see her_, Joker mused inwardly. "What's wrong?" She was dressed in more casual garb, as opposed to her fancy-wear that she wore at work.

"Oh, Liara, we-" Shepard started.

A shot from a silenced sniper rifle landed in the tree, right between Shepard and Joker's heads.

"-are just objects of assassination. Look," she interjected quickly, hoping to calm down Liara before she started to freak out, "now's not the best time."

"A sniper rifle, really? I could have sworn she'd try something more elaborate," Joker muttered. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face, and they stayed still. "She wont try that again though."

Shepard shook her head. "Wasn't her. She has more than one person with her, I think. That was just a warning shot."

"We need to draw out farther."

They both stood up quickly and started to jog away, Liara tagging along. "What happened? I would imagine that you would try to be killed, Shepard, but have you done anything specifically terrible recently?"

"Hell if I know!"

"She's pissed off a lot of people without exactly realizing it," Joker quipped.

Liara closed her mouth and thought about it. "Yes, I can see that happening. Well, perhaps it would be best if you get rid of her quickly, then? How many do you think she has with her?"

"If she's dead, she wont have any. We need to go straight for the source."

* * *

The brown-haired girl trembled like a frightened child after releasing that shot. Miss Dantius was a few feet away, eyes watching her like a bird of prey. She still had her dress on, although she didn't look out of place on top of one of the buildings. There were many others on higher ones, but this was so out of sight that nobody noticed.

"Give me that." She snatched the snipe out of the woman's hands and brought up the scope. Seeing them retreat, her lips pulled into a smirk. "Alright, let's follow them."

The human frowned and jumped over the railing and onto the stairs. They were going to an empty courtyard, she knew. That's where _everything_ was going to go down.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**_Some shout-outs in here. One is for one of my favorite readers. C: -heart-_****

****_Mon Cheri: My love.  
Que?: What?  
Oui: Yes.  
_


	4. Chapter 4

"Perhaps she will not be anticipating me," Liara said softly, wishing to keep her voice as hushed as she could. This park area was one of the few places in Illium where there were such high trees. Slightly bothered, the trio kept close to one another.

"I knew I should have worn my full armor," Shepard muttered. "Got m'bullet proof vest, at least."

At the same time, Joker told Liara, "You're right. It's gonna be a lot easier getting rid of her/them now."

Something in the bushes rustled.

Biotics rushed along Liara's blue skin, dancing along as she got ready for a biotic throw if she had to; Shepard whipped out her pistol and stood back to back with Joker, who had also retrieved his sub machine gun. The woman they expected sauntered out and revealed herself.

"Weapons down," Shepard ordered. Liara did immediately as told, but Joker hesitated before doing so.

"I knew you were smart enough to figure out our little conversation," she started.

The woman couldn't help but smile. She nudged Joker's ribs. "See?"

"Now's not the time for that."

"He's right, you know," the asari drawled. "You might recognize me. I'm Nassana and Dahlia Dantius' sister. You've killed off two of my family members, you know. I can't allow that." She had a large weapon strewn across her back, now, but she was using a heavy pistol like Shepard. Pointing it at Joker first, she grabbed his arm.

Joker heard Shepard's breath intake and signaled with his eyes to _calm down_. She wasn't good at facing threats such as this; her pilot being taken away was _not_ something she enjoyed. Oh, no, she was terrified.

"One step and a bullet goes through your beloved cripple's temple, darling."

Dawning hit the commander like a brick. Her fear eroded away, and she resisted the urge to let out a full-blown smirk. Keeping calm, she nodded stiffly. "Okay. What is it that you want again?"

Liara's eyes switched from Joker to Shepard to Miss Dantius.

"Your life, Commander Shepard. However, I thought it'd be a little more fun if you die in mental pain."

Joker's head jerked towards the 'assassin,' and he frowned. "Hell no, I'm not being the damned damsel in distress." He pulled his leg behind her knee to force her down and rammed an elbow into her throat to stun her. Instantaneously, he pulled out his SMG, and the rest of Miss Dantius' reinforcements revealed themselves.

With Miss Dantius momentarily breathless, Shepard grabbed Liara and Joker to take them behind trees for cover. The scornful asari waved her arms to signal the others to attack; Liara put up a biotic field to protect them momentarily.

"Wow," Shepard breathed. "That was extremely attractive."

Joker held in his smirk and pushed her lightly. "I'm just happy I get my firefight." He checked to make sure that all the thermal clips in his sub machine gun were ready to go.

Shepard was already landing bullets into a nearby asari, not wasting time for mercy. Liara and the commander were sporting heavy pistols, happy with their weight and ability to make pinches feel like a _bitch_. Though the information broker had been busy with, obviously, info brokering, she had not lost her touch in battle. She had to stay though to scare those that wanted to cross her.

Not daunted by his companions' skills, the pilot crouched down on his knees and felt no sort of pain, shooting at a particularly jumpy asari. She was purple and limber, giving a tantalizing smile that read _you'll never hit me_.

"Liara-" he started.

"On it!"

Warping her barrier left her stun and confused; most importantly, giving Joker an opportunity to shoot her til she drops to the ground—and he had no problem with it. With Liara's biotic shield simmering down, they had to keep moving.

He swung up from the bushes and dodged behind a tree. A bullet barely grazed his shoulder; it wasn't enough for him to get distracted.

Shepard quickly noticed that they were closing in on them, barely giving any room. "Aargh, I ain't good with CQC!" she growled. "Joker, will you be okay up here? I need to get back to get some room."

"Got it!" he simply answered back, ramming a fist into a 'sneaky' asari.

"Go—I'll cover you," Liara said, putting a hand on Shepard's shoulder.

The commander smiled at the two of them. As she turned around, her arm flicked out and released an energy drone to distract and help if they were too crowded. She swung her leg up over a tree branch and hoisted herself up, hating the fact that she wore a skirt, and switched the heavy pistol for that new sniper rifle.

She zoomed in and focused on three asari near the combat drone, unsuccessfully trying to destroy it. In three shots, they all fell to the ground. "Clean shots!" she battle-cried.

Joker found himself enjoying picking off evil asari one by one. Sure, it wasn't flying, but he'd love to do recon missions with his Shepard. Besides, she probably didn't know that he saw that shot of her when she climbed up the trees. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

"Now, to find Miss Dantius …"

"Right behind you."

Shepard was pushed out of the tree, landing on her side and just _knowing _that the size of that bruise will be terrifying. With a grit of her teeth she sucked in air and forced herself to get up. Before she could even react, Miss Dantius was right at her throat, holding her up with one hand. For such a slinky and thin woman, she had no trouble with those powerful fingers. Hitting the certain spots in her neck that made Shepard gag, she barely had the ability to focus on breaking free.

"Shepard!" Liara cried.

Joker whipped his head around at Liara's exclamation, eyes narrowing. He reloaded his gun with a _click_ and started walking forward.

"St-hgnnn … ay _back_!" she ordered hoarsely.

One of Miss Dantius' cronies—the brown-haired human—took her place next to her and brought up a gun to the asari's temple.

"Should have done a better background check."

A loud shot sounded off in the trees, and if Shepard didn't know any better, she recognized that as a certain woman's special shotgun …

As she took off her helmet, the commander was absolutely astounded. "Ashley? Ash! _Mon Dieu_, what are you doing here?" While asking the question, she found her arms circling her old best friend without any resistance. "With … _her_?"

"Good to see you, Shepard," she said in a sort of small voice, tightening hold. Gaining cockiness, though, she went on to say, "The Alliance is paying more attention to the evil background of Illium. Though I wasn't in charge, per se, I couldn't resist when I researched a certain assassination plan from a certain Dantius." She looked down at the corpse. "I knew the name was familiar."

They pulled apart, and she saw that Liara and Joker were both approaching.

"Wow, Ash?" Joker echoed, sufficiently surprised.

Liara's eyes were also wide and rather glad to see that their old squad mate was here, and, in fact, saved their asses.

"Joker! Your legs …" she started.

"I know." He grinned.

Ashley started to say something before Joker interlaced his fingers with Shepard's. She smiled. "It's great that you two are still together. God, you two are so perfect for each other." Their reactions were modest and knowing. They were perfectly aware of their closeness and eligibility. "Now's not exactly the best time to talk about things, though …"

Shepard had a feeling she was going to bring up Horizon. "You're right. The fireworks haven't started yet; that means people will come looking to see what's going on. The brave ones, anyway. Email me, would you? I'm sure the Alliance has already hacked through and got that." She scowled.

"Yeah," Ash admitted sheepishly. She gathered her hair and tied it up into a bun. "I will. Enjoy the show, you guys. I've gotta get back to the Citadel; people might actually worry."

A familiar glint appeared in Shepard's eye. "Definitely need to email me."

The former soldier that served underneath the Savior of the Citadel retreated, and Liara coughed. "Perhaps I will see you down by the fireworks once more. I will leave you two alone." She smiled and gave a wave, retreating.

"Everyone's leaving so quickly," Shepard said disappointingly. "I miss the old crew. But I still love the current one," she added sincerely.

Joker kept hold on her hand and gestured towards the water. "C'mon."

* * *

"_Fou_, you're bleeding!"

"Huh?" Joker looked down at his shoulder. "Ah, that. Don't worry, blood's already clotted and dried. It's my first battle wound. Exciting, huh?"

"Don't expect there to be many more."

He shrugged. "I _guess_ I can still save you by _Normandy_. Trust me, I wasn't about to pull out of an exploding volcano just to save _Liara_ on Therum, darling."

"Hah."

They sat side-by-side on a grassy area, distanced from most. It was out of the way from the _oh, my gosh, is that Shepard? _encounters, but it still had a great view of the sky. Coloration filled their expressions, and the commander remembered all of the good times she had, back on Earth.

She snorted softly. "Yeah, right. Good times my ass."

"Earth?" She nodded. He pulled her closer by the shoulder heavily so her face was pressed up against the side of his chest. "Aw, don't fret. There are many more things for you to look forward to, out here. With the crew, me and you …"

"Like what?"

"Well …" He slid away and knelt down on one knee. A hand pulled a small box out of his pocket, and suddenly registered the gesture.

Her face was priceless.

"Say hello to number three."

She leaned forward and held the side of his face with her hand, eyes twinkling with happiness. Touched beyond belief, she let him speak without her butting in. She could only imagine how important this would be to him.

"I've been waiting for this damn cure for so long—so I could finally do this." His smile was gentle as he returned her movements; his hand went to one side of her neck, instead, and he lightly rubbed along the bruises she got from Miss Dantius. "Ah, Shepard, I love you _so much_. Stay with me." The ring was revealed with a flick of his finger.

She deftly slid her free hand's ring finger through said piece of jewelery and lifted her hand up so it would stay; soon after, she hugged him so tightly that they rolled back into the grass.

"Hell, yes," she murmured, pressing her lips against his neck.

* * *

In the end, Joker _did_ get to fulfill his list of three. Of course, after his proposal, he got the _best_ sex of his life, the _best_ woman a guy could not even _begin _to dream of, and a kick-ass firefight that ended in a light battle wound … If this wasn't the best shore leave ever, he wouldn't know what 'best' even meant.

You know what? He wouldn't care.

All he had to do was hear someone call his wife "Commander Shepard-Moreau".

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Who didn't see that last one coming? Anyone? Bahaha, I've had this idea forever. The image of Joker kneeling down to propose got me all inspired. Have you noticed how almost all NPCs only talk for a few minutes and then leave? Damn, you guys, I just wanna chat. ;_; _

_Thanks to those who have given me their feedback! I appreciate it, just like always._


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